Saturday, October 27, 2007

Jim

A terrible thing happened last Wednesday night where I received the kind of news that I've always dreaded receiving.

We had just enjoyed our Halloween party at ComedySportz in Provo. Afterwards, a group of us went over to Jeff Blake's place to watch The Changeling. It was during this that I received the dreaded text...

It was from my mom. The text just said, "Call me ... emergency." My heart sank as I walked out into the chilled night air. My mind was racing with terror. "What is is Mom?", I asked. Her voice was panicked. "Uncle Jim shot himself."

Tears rushed my eyes. "What?! What happened?" Trying to comprehend what it all meant, I started walking over to Meghan's place, which was near. My mom told me that my dad and her were heading up to be with my aunt. They would call me with any news.

I startled Meghan as I woke her. I was crying as I told her the news. She just hugged me tightly. So many emotions flooded my mind. I wondered what it took for my uncle to do such a thing to himself and his family. I felt so intensely sad for my aunt and her three beautiful children. How can adults be expected to deal with such tragedies, let alone children? I called all of my brothers and made sure we all had someone to be with as we processed the events. They did.

The following days I would randomly just cry thinking about the whole thing. There were stories of what happened that wrenched my heart. How the daughter had left a note on her door that said "Please wake me up at 7am... Thanks Daddy" How the son, while serving his LDS mission , chose to stay out in the field. How the high school-aged son's friends came over and wandered around and cried with him.

The funeral is on Monday.

This whole thing has shaken up all my thoughts and perceptions. It's almost like starting from scratch - re-assessing what I believe and why I believe it. In truth, it's been and amazing and sobering thing.

What my uncle did hasn't changed what a good person he truly was inside. It has, however, made me realize how messed up anyone can get if they allow things in their lives to get our of control.

3 comments:

M. Paul Bailey said...

I'm so sorry dude. Let me know if there is anything at all that you need. Seriously.

Hailey said...

Matt, I'm so sorry.

I love you!

KC said...

Matt,

It was good to see you this weekend. I'm really sorry about your uncle and know that you and your family are in my prayers. Love ya bro.